NanceFics

...aaaaaand this would be the second fic my computer chewed into word-salad this week. Written for solitude_82 for the profiler_fans Secret Santa exchange.

You know, I may have just 'found a Profiler 'ship that I've bonded with as much as Sam/Jack. I'm actually pretty happy with how this one turned out, right down to the "narrator" voice which isn't something I've tried before -- although I confess to having a "Frosty the Snowman" flashback and picturing Cartoon Me standing on a street-corner in Manhattan telling the tale a la Jimmy Durante. ;)

*****

Crack-the-Whip

Pairing: Frances/John, angst/romance

Rating: R (language, sexual situations)

Spoilers: approximately through mid-season 4



( It’s Christmas-time in New York, and all manner of strange and wonderful things can happen... )

Written for michellek for a Secret Santa Christmas drabble challenge:


Holes

Fandom: "Dead Like Me"
Pairing (if any): George/Rube
Rating: Hard R (language, sexual situations)
Disclaimer: Not my toys, else we'd be having a Season 3 G/R luuurve-fest.

Summary: This will all end badly. It's what he does.

Word Count: 356

( Sometimes Rube thinks that when they gave him his undead body they put him together wrong. )

Now that my shiny new computer is up and running and I've played around with burning CDs and making mp3 files familiarized myself with all of the very serious and important features, I've had a chance to re-install my trusty little Iomega zip drive. Hey, mock me if you must, but that little doober saved my hindparts several times when my dearly-departed laptop decided to have its semi-regular meltdowns. I owe that little Iomega. We have a relationship, man.

That brings me to the "Fic File" on said Iomega, which contains more half-started fics than I'd realized. Some of them were begging for the recycle bin, and off they went. But there are several there that I really want to work on, so I figured I'd post the list here to a) have a place to bookmark for periodic self-reminders and b) to at least have a reason to update this poor little LJ.

( In-progress, active fics (erm, my version of 'active' at least): )

( The 'plots are outlined, now I have to write 'em' fics: )

( ...and the obligatory random plot bunnies... )

Oy, big list. Any suggestions/motivational tips out there?

This has been kicking around on my hard drive for over a month while I hammered out the plot-line -- maybe all the leading news stories this week about Hurricane Frances were what finally nudged my Muse into gear. *G*

Yes, it's a Buffy/Profiler cross-over. Yes, I'm spending a considerable amount of time and a potential butt-load o'chapters on a cross-over of two defunct shows. What's your point? ;)

( Frannie the Vampire Slayer: Prologue )


( Chapter 1 )

Fandom: Profiler

Story Type: Parody

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Erm, pretty much through Season Two, plus maybe "Otis, CA"

Synopsis: A stranger moves into Rose Garden Circle and the town of Green Valley, Connecticut will never be quite the same...

( Not in My Back Yard )

The Amnest-ee Comments: Dear God, this is, like, ancient -- would anyone even get the Lewinsky/Starr bits anymore? On one level, I rather like Bitsy and Janey (I'm a Connecticut transplant and I think many of us would admit to having our own Inner Bitsy). On the other hand, I think the "who are these mysterious people" jokes are out-living their shelf-life, so I'm not holding out much hope of finishing this.

Bitsy and Janey would be fun OC's if I ever quit my day-job and churn out quirky mystery paperbacks, though. ;)

Fandom: "Profiler"

Story Type: PWP/Drama, Sam/Jack

Rating: NC-17 (currently PG-13ish)

Spoilers: Through the end of Season One

Synopsis: What if Jack had taken Sam's hand in "Venom?" A Skewed take on a favorite episode....

( Precious Poison )

The Amnest-ee comments: First off, I'm still amazed that no one ever did this type of fic way back when, when there were a whole lot more of us SB'ers floating about. *G* There was a time when I was quite into the idea of this little scenario, and I could potentially see myself working on it again, but I think it'll morph into less NC-17 and more R, with a lot more conversation and fewer planned nekkid bits. Unless I get really evil with my next "Venom" re-watch and write a Jack/Sam/Robin three-way drabble. ;) Additionally, the name will have to be seriously re-vamped as it sounds way too romance novel-y for my tastes -- what was I thinking?

The Iconage Stuff: I already posted this in empty_marrow, but what the hey, this little LJ feels neglected -- thanks to a weekend of basically growing roots in my computer chair, coupled with a 60-day free download of Animation Shop 3, I present to you Profiler-themed icons, to be found on page one and page two. They're very rough and newbie-ish, but hey, want 'em, take 'em.

The Growth-in-Ficcing Thoughts: These came about after I was perusing the old Skewedom site for icon-worthy pics, and I decided to meander off and look at some of my older fics -- always a dangerous idea and often rather cringe-inducing. Profiler was the first fandom I'd ever gotten involved in seriously enough to write fic for, and some of my earliest examples, still up on that site, are pretty damned ewwwwww. (And those are just the ones whose existence doesn't cause me extreme pain -- there are worse ones banished to the dark recesses of the many stuffed-full desk drawers in the office, never to see the light of day again unless I ever get ambitious enough to clean 'em out and use 'em as litter-box liner. *G*)

Looking back now, it's not so much the writing that strikes me as horrible -- I was an adult by the time I got into fic, so even though my "style" was developing, my vocabulary and my ability to put thoughts into words, such as it is/was, was pretty well formed and finalized by then. The thing that makes me shudder today is how I utterly butchered characterization to further the particular plot points I wanted to make, canon be damned.

Heh. If the word "canon" sounds weird coming from the keyboard of a girl who has been known to 'ship Jack/Coop and Jack/Frances, let me 'splain.

Really, I love canon, I do. As I've begun the growing-up process as a fanfic writer, I've come to the conclusion that nothing is as satisfying as starting with your proverbial feet firmly planted right in the canon-patch. Then, if you're me, you take out a weed-whacker and a stick of dynamite and blast that sucker into a completely different-looking space, one that furthers your plot and sends your characters in the direction you want to take them - but it's all the more satisfying that you started with that little canon-patch with the rest of the gardeners. *re-reads* OK, I'm going to stop with the Martha Stewart metaphors now.

One of my biggest personal examples of character-butchering-to-further-plot was ironically enough in the fic that I was most attached to, "Learning Experiences" -- a 200k+ Frances/Jack piece that took place in the AU-est AU that ever AU'ed. How attached was I to this idea? I re-wrote the entire thing over a period of at least two years and planned to make it part one of a three-part series (100k or so of which I also wrote but never posted). Then one day I sort of looked at it from a distance and thought "who the hell are these people?" The voices were off, and in the AU setting that I'd created to make it easier to get the characters together, I'd come pretty damned close to creating a *twitch* Frannie Sue.

Plus, by ignoring some of the big canon points, the act of getting these two together was just...not particularly interesting. In the interim, I'd watched more episodes of the show, paid attention to the voices and mannerisms, and started to write A Little Like Insane. It starts from canon, it gets really dark really fast, and it's been a bitch to push the characters toward any version of a "relationship" because they're both so damaged and resistant to the whole concept. But it's so much more satisfying and fun to write because of that.

So, growth-in-ficcing is the short version of why my AU will be retired. If anyone is still remotely interested, though, feel free to wander over and check out Learning Experiences, if only to look at the awesome cover art that a friend made for me. And despite all my previous fic-bashing, I'm still really happy that I wrote it, if only so I can use it as a yardstick to see how well or how poorly I'm weeding the canon-patch. *G*

Oh for godsake, I keep doing this to myself.... >_<

As a remorseless David E. Kelley fangirl ever since the "Picket Fences" days, I've fallen pretty hard for The Brotherhood of Poland, New Hampshire. The characters are very cute and quirky and damned funny.

It's kind of a New England version of "Otis, California," right down to the plaid flannel hunting shirts.

*sigh* We can see pretty much where I'm going with this, can't we?

Inner!Jack: Oh for the love of -- I'm wearing the damned fake stomach again, aren't I?

Inner!Ed: Woo-hoo, screen-time!

...but as I have my suspicions that the very-pretty-but-sadly-ignored VCTF Command Center will go "poof" and just vanish one of these days, I figured I'd transfer my fic-in-progress over to LJ-land. I like this one, for some reason; if the characters are nice enough to actually talk to me a little more (as opposed to their present standard glare-and-mumble), I might even finish it.

A Little Like Insane: Profiler, FrancesFic, R (language, sexual situations)

( Part the First )

( Part the Second )



*pokes at characters* Talk to me, dammit! I actually have ideas for this one!

...and no, my Harry/Sirius fics never did get beyond the planning stage, but in this new post-OotP world I figure I have more of a chance to actually rev 'em up. Because it's all about the Angst, baby. *G*

Hmm, this was supposed to be a collection of fic snippets and trial runs, wasn't it? *sigh*

I seem to be continuing my happy theme of "mmm, that idea/plot/pairing would be fun...oh crap, I'd have to actually put it into words though, wouldn't I, and -- ooh! What's this yummy new idea/plot/pairing?" When it comes to consistency of motivation, the slightest dangling of the eensiest new and shiny plotbunnythingie seems to get me terminally distracted from putting Slot A into Tab B.

...and the sexual innuendo from that last sentence gives a good indication that I've been reading a lot more smutfic than I've been writing. *G*

Thanks and Cheetos to all the kind souls who are feeding-back on A Little Like Insane at the VCTF Message Board! I actually like how this fic is turning out, and I really want to finish it. Now if anyone can figure out a way to get the characters to settle down and take directions from me long enough so I can finish the stupid thing, I'd appreciate it muchly. I've cajoled, wheedled, threatened and whined, but they're otherwise occupied and not playing well with me at all. Essentially, the Fanfic Characters' Office Christmas Party from Hell in my head has been going on for far too long and it doesn't seem to be winding down any time soon:

*Loud Christmas-themed retro-Polynesian swing music blasts from the speakers over the makeshift Tiki Lounge bar set up just to the right of Robin's auditory cortex. Jack of All Trades is behind said bar, wearing an obnoxiously bright Hawaiian shirt with Bermuda shorts and puka beads, smoking a cigarette and mixing Mai Tais for the masses. Frances Malone and Samantha Waters are sitting at the bar tapping their toes to the tunes and playing with the little paper umbrellas scattered over the bar's surface.*

Robin (comes up to the bar with an ice bag on her head): Holy hell, the noise, the noise! C'mon, guys, aren't you ready to get back to work yet? Enough is enough. Hey Jack, I have two chapters to go -- you have to help me decide if you're going to kill Frances or just have a night of hot guilty sex with her and then scare her straight. What'll it be?

Jack: Pfft, hot and guilty, right. You know you want it to be almost-sex that stops right before we get to the good stuff. *affects a squeaky sarcastic imitation of Robin's voice* "It'll be better for the angst that way. Gotta up the angst! Angst angst angst angst --"

Robin: Hey!

Frances: We used to have sex in these fics. Even if it was angsty sex, it was still sex.

Samantha: Garble globble bibble goo.

*Jack and Frances stop their tirade and stare at Samantha.*

Frances: What the fuck was that?

Jack: Samantha, as honorary bartender I'm cutting you off. Unless you want to have sex with me, in which case -- Mai Tais for everyone!

Robin: Gah, no, it's not the Mai Tais, it's just what she does around me these days. I have 200k+ of that "Otis" fic kicking around in my Docs file -- which I'd really like to work on -- but I need her to speak to me. Which she hasn't done for ages in any meaningful interesting way whatsoever. She just sits there and stares at me and then she does...that thing.

Samantha (defensively): Oog blooble blug!!

Robin: Yeah, same to you, blondie. *snags a Mai Tai and leans on the bar beside Jack* This sucks. I have plots, dammit! I've actually planned stuff out! You're ingrates, that's what you are.

Marcus Peyton: We need more ice, baby! *comes up to the bar and dumps an empty ice bucket beside Jack*

Robin: Hey, Marcus! Remember me? I'm the one who was finally going to write about you. You have one of the prime roles in that "Frannie the Vampire Slayer" crossover I was planning, remember? So how about forgetting the ice and getting back to work? We need to plan out a Big Bad....

Marcus: Pfft, yeah, Marcus the Watcher, whatever. It's not like I'd get to have sex in the fic anyway.

Robin: Gods, how sex-obsessed are you people? Don't you care about plot? How about the thrill of carefully planning chapter after chapter and executing the details? How about the satisfaction of seeing how nicely you've researched a role and created a character that fills the role? What about --

Laura Polanski (grabs the blender from Jack and sniffs at the contents): Blah blah intellectual fic, blah blah Big Important Purpose. Booooooring. Oooh, Mai Tais!

Robin: Oh, that's so not fair! I've spent the most time with you lately too!

Jack: Who are you?

Laura: Laura Polanski, field op for the Ministry of Magic, Muggle Defense Division, New Jersey field office. *looks at Robin* You know, that's a freaking mouthful -- I hope you don't expect me to spout that off every other paragraph.

Frances: Ministry of Magic?

Jack: New Jersey field office?

Laura(rolls eyes): Yeah, Ministry of Magic as in Harry Potter. Muggle Defense Division as in the few, the proud, those muggles who help kick Death Eater ass. And New Jersey as in, it makes no sense when the rest of the fandom is writing about things across the Atlantic, but I happen to be stationed here because someone has been fixating way too much on "The Sopranos" lately.

*She glares at Robin who coughs and looks away, blushing.*

Jack (to Robin): Oh. My. God. Are you out of your mind? You created a Harry Potter fandom Jersey Sue? I thought you hated OC's in fics on general principle.

Frances (turns to Laura): Don't tell me -- you're going to sleep with Snape, aren't you? Or Lucius. Or Voldemort or Draco or a Random Slytherin or someone, because she'll let you have sex scenes, won't she?

Jack: Wait -- you have sex scenes? Do you need a stalker for the sex scenes? I can do a Jersey voice....

Laura (smiles and nods nervously while moving slowly toward the exit, never breaking eye contact): Heh. OK then, it's been fun, gotta go now...

Robin: No no nononono, I'm writing her because I want to prove that I can do an OC who's not a Jers -- erm, Mary Sue. She's a cop, guys! She's fixated on the case she's given and she despises that she has orders from above to help protect a Death Eater from getting killed.

Frances: Yeah, she despises it right up until the sex, right?

Laura: Hey! You promised I'd be a nice fluff-less character with no sex. I am not having sex with Malfoy! I'd rather do it with a post-decapitation Ralph Cifaretto, ferchrissakes.

Frances: Eww! Bad image.

Jack: Hmm...creative.

Robin: I swear, nowhere in the plot do you engage in hot sex, guilty sex, or any kind of sex with Lucius Malfoy. How about if I guarantee that he gets shot? Flesh wound only, you understand, but if it gets you cooperating again I can be flexible --

Laura: Pfft, flesh wound....

Frances(sotto voce to Jack): Flesh wound leads to cutting off clothes to expose the wound...leads to nakedness...leads to doing the nasty on top of the bandages. Our fandom sucks!

Lucius Malfoy(entering the bar wearing a loud parrot-print shirt, shorts and flip-flops and carrying a surfboard): Sexless Flesh Wound? I seem to recall a punk band from my youth with a similar name. Or was it Fleshless Sex Wound? -- ooh, Mai Tais!

Robin: Screw you guys, I'm going back to my day job.

Samantha: Gibble!

******

So...fics...hopefully in this lifetime, eventually. Maybe. A girl can dream? *G*